Monday, October 26, 2009

Not In Control

I'm a perfectionist. Anyone who knows me well will tell you I am detailed oriented. I try to be organized.

And the past few days have been the kind that makes one feel and look disorganized, despite one's very best efforts. Ever experience a situation when your best-laid plans get thwarted, and you exhaust your resources to remake them but it still doesn't work out?

In a nutshell, a much-anticipated event I'd planned for my R.E. program families to have tomorrow at a local nursing home was cancelled Friday morning by the Home's Activities Director. I had another prospective location that was to take us (hopeful "plan B"), but at 1:30 this afternoon they decided against it, too! I was left with 75 children prepared to come in saints' costumes with music and talks, and no where for them to give the program...

In this midst of this saga, our main computer officially froze up. AND for awhile the laptop wouldn't access the database of phone numbers I needed to notify the 48 families. (Thankfully Veronica was able to procure the file for me).

The temptation to get deflated and frustrated has definitely been present. I mean, Lord, when I'm trying to go the extra mile and more to serve You, why the dump of this stress? When it looked like the plan B location might work, both relief and excitement came in. "Lord, I can see now why the first place cancelled — this one will be better!" Then when plan B fell through today, and I was forced to come up with plan C (having regular class back at the school with kids in their costumes), I had to hold up my hands and say, "Okay, Lord, I truly don't see the better plan in all this, but I still trust You."

These kind of bumps and glitches are a raw reminder that I am not in control. Oh, most of us try to be. It's nice to feel like we are. But it seems to me that if we get a little overconfident, the Holy Spirit likes to stir things up to keep us in our place and to make us trust the One Who is in control.

As I sought out the meaning in all of this today, it came to mind how many times Our Lady dealt with bumps and glitches in her road. Things like getting woken mid-night and sent to Egypt with a newborn obviously were not her plan. Nor was traveling to Bethlehem at nine months pregnant, for that matter.

No, our Blessed Mother did not have it easy. I'm in good company. I'm just working on having her reponse — the one that made her full of grace.

Fiat. Be it done to me according to Your Word.

3 comments:

Victoria Rose said...

God bless you, Claire! You are such a wonderful example to me about letting go of what I want and letting God take the steering wheel. :) Thank you for posting your thoughts.

~Vicki

Kathryn said...

I'm sorry you have been having a hard time of late. Praying for you Claire! I know, I can have a hard time when I'm not "in control" too.

~Bryant said...

It can be hard for the Lord to teach us to saying, "Lord, not my will, but Yours be done." I'm thankful that He is so faithful and patient!

Beautiful post!