Not In Control

I'm a perfectionist. Anyone who knows me well will tell you I am detailed oriented. I try to be organized.

And the past few days have been the kind that makes one feel and look disorganized, despite one's very best efforts. Ever experience a situation when your best-laid plans get thwarted, and you exhaust your resources to remake them but it still doesn't work out?

In a nutshell, a much-anticipated event I'd planned for my R.E. program families to have tomorrow at a local nursing home was cancelled Friday morning by the Home's Activities Director. I had another prospective location that was to take us (hopeful "plan B"), but at 1:30 this afternoon they decided against it, too! I was left with 75 children prepared to come in saints' costumes with music and talks, and no where for them to give the program...

In this midst of this saga, our main computer officially froze up. AND for awhile the laptop wouldn't access the database of phone numbers I needed to notify the 48 families. (Thankfully Veronica was able to procure the file for me).

The temptation to get deflated and frustrated has definitely been present. I mean, Lord, when I'm trying to go the extra mile and more to serve You, why the dump of this stress? When it looked like the plan B location might work, both relief and excitement came in. "Lord, I can see now why the first place cancelled — this one will be better!" Then when plan B fell through today, and I was forced to come up with plan C (having regular class back at the school with kids in their costumes), I had to hold up my hands and say, "Okay, Lord, I truly don't see the better plan in all this, but I still trust You."

These kind of bumps and glitches are a raw reminder that I am not in control. Oh, most of us try to be. It's nice to feel like we are. But it seems to me that if we get a little overconfident, the Holy Spirit likes to stir things up to keep us in our place and to make us trust the One Who is in control.

As I sought out the meaning in all of this today, it came to mind how many times Our Lady dealt with bumps and glitches in her road. Things like getting woken mid-night and sent to Egypt with a newborn obviously were not her plan. Nor was traveling to Bethlehem at nine months pregnant, for that matter.

No, our Blessed Mother did not have it easy. I'm in good company. I'm just working on having her reponse — the one that made her full of grace.

Fiat. Be it done to me according to Your Word.

I Am Blessed

My family, friends, and especially my goddaughters made my birthday so special! So did each of you, with your kind words, wishes, and prayers. I am both blessed and overwhelmed by the outpouring of sweetness. Thank you, all of you!

It's hard to believe we are two weeks into Lent already...I am trying to make the most of this truly beautiful season. Yes, it is a "desert", but because we are there with our Lord, there is beauty. We easily forget that this is a positive season. We are supposed to deprive our bodies in order to beautify our souls. That's right: Lent is beauty treatment for the soul!

I don't know about you, but I always have to resist the urge to take on everything during Lent. The same dozen vices and struggles assail me with ongoing persistance, and, perfectionist that I am, I want to tackle them all at once. Unfortunately, I am too often an all-or-nothing person. When a few of my good intentions slip, I too quickly lose hold on the rest of them. Being faithful in the little things, and targeting my struggles one or two at a time, are ongoing goals of my Lent this year. This is not to say I've been glamorously successful thus far...but I am glad to have 4+ weeks left to work on this "beauty treatment"!

My Beloved's Bouquet... to Me

Last year for Valentine's Day, I reflected on a dozen roses from my Prince. This year, I've felt as though He's showered me with gifts the past few weeks. They may seem small or insignificant to some, but they are very real and very powerful to me!

...He's brought me toward a discipline which I've desired for a long while but really, really struggled with; namely, early bedtime and early rising! Dad's work schedule recently adjusted, so our schedule did too (this was big for us). The 9:30 bedtime and 5:30 rising time for 6:30am Holy Mass have been such a blessing!

...After a several-month unintended sabbatical from my own violin lessons due to busyness (though I continued teaching and quite a bit of playing), I was able to start back this week.

...He's sent bright, beautiful sunshine! After lots and lots of gray skies, the past two days have been gloriously sparkling! The white blanket all around is turned to glitter under its rays...

...This season of Lent. No, I'm not jesting! Unlike many other years, I actually welcomed Lent this year with much anticipation. I wrote in my journal, "I was so ready for Lent this year". This time of cleansing and growth is indeed a gift. If the remaining weeks are as blessed as this one, I will be more joyful at Easter than ever!

...He has brought much peace into my soul. For a long while I was overwhelmed and over-stretched. In recent weeks I've been able to bring order into a number of areas of my life that have caused me struggle and exhaustion for months. This order that I have longed and strived for in my daily life has finally started to take hold this Lent. For this, I have only His goodness to thank. And that, indeed, is a fragrant bouquet.

Happy St. Valentine's Day!

Good enough to be from Chesterton

or from one of those other great philosophers. Actually, it's a bit from an email from a friend of mine (a philosopher-theologian in the making -- those are his majors). It was so profound, I asked for permission to share it...

So don't be frightened by the long task ahead of us. Don't be scared away by the fear that you might not be strong enough yet. You are only called to live one day at a time. God will never let the cards be stacked against us too hard. He will never let it be harder than we can handle. And the amazing thing is, in this war, our Commander already won, all we have to do is stay on His side.

The first time I read that, I thought Wow. And I went back, and read it again. And an amazing peace settled over me as I let it sink in. Our Commander has already won. If only we would remember that more often. Our task, really, is simple: All we have to do is stay on His side.

Amen! Deo Gratias.

The Master Baker

...or the One Who can bring beauty from brokenness, life from ashes, healing from frailty, strength from weakness. We received the following in an email today, and it reminded me of a similar post I wrote last year: Theology and Cake.

Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation!

A daughter is telling her mother how everything is going wrong: she's failing algebra; her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away. Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely, Mom, I love your cake."

"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers.

"Yuck," says her daughter.

"How about a couple raw eggs?"

"Gross, Mom!"

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"

"Mom, those are all yucky!"

To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!"

Let us continue learning to trust Him!

Face of Christ

Tonight, I spent some time at a nearby nursing home, visiting some dear souls there. One of them whom we've come to know is probably one of, if not the youngest, resident there. A lady who can't be 55, but who is near helpless. I forget the name of the disease that has taken almost all her self-sufficiency away from her and made her near-blind, but hers is a name I will never forget. It's Judy.

Here is a soul that is useless by the world's standards, but a treasure by Christ's. Judy is one bundle of sweetness. Her room is more photos and religious artwork than walls, with a little sign that reads "Judy's Place". I couldn't help but think tonight... that's exactly what it is. The extent of her world is there. And there she lay, smiling and exclaiming and congratulating as I told her of my recent projects, news, and accomplishments. Here is a suffering soul who looked up at me and told me that I inspire her. Tears came into my eyes as I told her, "But Judy... you inspire me." Pure joy was in her voice as she told me about the nurse's boyfriend who asked her for a rosary. And she pointed my gaze toward her newest beautiful picture of the Sacred Heart, hung opposite her bed. "He's been so good to me," she said simply.

If only each of us would exclaim the same...regardless of our own relatively miniscule difficulties. Tonight, as I looked into the face of a soul that gazes longingly towards the next life, yet continues to suffer patiently in this, and heard her say she wished she could do more for others, I could only whisper quietly... "Judy, only in heaven will we know how much you did do."

I know I haven't been around much

of late, as my sister kindly reminded me in a comment yesterday. :) The past two weeks have been a time of some real spiritual highs -- and lows. Through the "struggling" days, I try to keep foremost in mind that no matter how askew my feelings might be, my God is a God of strength and security. What a consolation! And what gentle gifts He sends my way. I only have to glance out the window at today's perfect blue sky and brilliant sunshine dancing across the green tree leaves to have a striking reminder of His love for me. Hopefully soon I will be able to post about a few of the wonderful graces of the last several weeks!

Meanwhile, would please you join me in praying for all those souls who have much greater challenges than we do, such as lovely Crystal of BiblicalWomanhood.com? I'm often blessed by her blog and her example. Due to complications with her second pregnancy, she's to be induced tonight and is asking for special prayers.

May you recognize the Lord's smile on your day!

Return to the Heart

The past days have been full of contemplation. And one day this week, a specific thought came to me when contemplating our need, as members of the Body of Christ, for "Spiritual Power Stations".

We can be likened to the bloodstream, or "lifestream" of the human body: we have a job, a purpose, a calling to be bearers of life and nourishment, to attend to the needs of the rest of the Body. And yet, if we go on our merry way and fail to return to the heart, we will soon be useless.

Yes, we are called to "scatter", if you will... to be as salt and light, reaching far and wide to proclaim the Gospel. We are called to carry life to the entire body. But this precisely why we need "Spiritual Power Stations". Adoration. Community. Retreats. We need to draw from the Source: both from Christ Himself, and from the powerhouse of union with fellow believers.

We need times to reconnect. To rejuvenate. To be refortified to again go out and remain faithful to our calling as salt, as light, as bearers of life. We need spiritual "reoxidization", or else our flavor may go flat, the light we're striving to carry become dim, the nourishment we're seeking to offer grow scarce. Because we are called to give -- but we have to receive from the Source before we can give anything.

We need to return to the heart.

~ ~ ~

Hmmm...

Food-for-thought received in an email today... let's make it our resolution to keep the simple virtues alive!

~ ~ ~
Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapid ly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his sons, Accountability and Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

~ ~ ~

Strength in Weakness

Crystal at Biblical Womanhood had a post last week that's very worth reading. She very eloquently and beautifully wrote about something God has really been teaching me in recent weeks: to not only talk about relying on Him, but to do it. Two very different things. There are times when I feel so tiny, so inadequate, stretched so thin -- and all I can do is remind myself over and over, "Christ is my strength". What a consolation at those moments to know that no matter what kind of roller-coaster our emotions may take us on, Christ is the rock. And daily, hourly, each moment, we must learn to lean on Him. At times this means discomfort, maybe even storms. We just have to make sure that the more fiercely the winds blow, the more heavily we lean on His strength. And trust that in the end, there will be a rainbow.